Maybe someday I'll find someone who is somewhat on the same wavelength as I am about fitness, health, and eating. I'm not sure that exists. Maybe because I'm sporadic about it; inconsistent. I work out hard, like to enjoy food, and still can't completely shake the neuroticism of getting older and feeling like what I do isn't enough. All it is, is the standards I hold for myself. I know I am not perfect, never will be, and never want to be. Maybe the striving for goals is healthy, and maybe never reaching them is also so. I don't know.
I need to start helping out at home. I'm not sure how and when, but I know it needs to happen. I've been neglecting it. I don't think I mean to - I just get busy. I am busy. But, that should not be an excuse. I am good at excuses.
I walked Broadway by myself this evening. Maybe I'm not anywhere as punk as I used to be, but sometimes the whole image I have created for myself just doesn't seem to fit. I know it was mostly due to necessity of the workplace. But, I don't feel such pressure in that arena any longer. Maybe it's time to make some other changes.
What a random post. My thoughts are all over the place.
Court is two weeks from tomorrow. I know it's affecting me; not a lot but it's there. Lately, I think back on the situation and how I handled it. And, I honestly am surprised he is even talking to me. It sometimes seems that it just simply means he's a better person than I would have been. I think that often about others over myself. Sometimes it feels like I'm just more evil. Or, maybe it's really that I am just not as caring or forgiving as everyone else (under certain circumstances). If that is a flaw, then so be it. Or, maybe, all it is, is that, like me, he realized that this was the better path. It could be as simple as that. I understand the feelings behind the decisions that cross my path and how they shape my personality. And while I always know I can strive for better, being somewhat disconnected (at times) can be advantageous.
My last topic is feeling a bit too personal to share here, at least right now. Suffice to say, the feelings that go along with it are not something I can verbalize or write about. There are no words sometimes to explain the things that make you tingle.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
posted by Mar at 9:11 PM
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1 Comments:
you battle!
Exercise! Meh, I've been on both sides.
Like any relationsip you just have to share what you can, and blaze on, on your own.
Take it from a old punk, no a geezer punk.
I went to "X" on Monday saw more than one old girlfriend, hehe... they did not recognize me. And yes I'm sure it was not just avoidance.
Anyway one old punk girlfriend I did see, bragged she hot a letter from the AARP!
On the other hand my life has taken on a strange and unexpected turn!